Walk on water

Spirited through the high and the low
You have arrived by a crossroad
Faint, yet yearning, my weathered soul
Trusting in One, holding tomorrow

I see a way, that is no way
Path that was walked holds no sway
My past accumulated, prove dismay
One hinge on a stake, One Way.

Steps in the making, steps fleeting
Essential a road, none yet trailing
Cornered, indebted, far sea faring
My only hope remaining, the waters unsinking.

Out in the deep, security's sure ending
Far flung platform, faith's only beginning
Waters rage with footsteps yearning
When are the footstep Master's pupil trailing?

It must be You

If there's anything good in me at all, it is You.

It must be You.

The fiery waves that overcame me, the solid rock that sustained me,

The tears that flowed with brokenness, the rain that rushed with freshness,

Why do You think I'm qualified? What is in me that You are willing to sustain?

I have died over and over again, nearly a thousand deaths,

But I'm still alive, miraculously.

It must be You.

Faith?

I value people and close ties. That's why disappointment is usually magnified in its frustration, because what I so valued compromised its value. But faith keeps me valuing the person no matter what. It's in believing in someone who lacks the track record that tests the boundaries of real, unconditional, and Christlike love. I'm still pondering at this impossible task of simply loving thy neighbour.

Worth the Wait

I've been thinking.

It's been years now since I first heard about the concept of someone being "worth waiting for". It may be applied to abstinence from sex until marriage, which is the focus of No Apologies. It could mean that each person deserves patience from the other party in a relationship. It could mean a whole lot of things to a whole lot of different circumstances.

For me, it just means that she is worth waiting for.

Time is never wasted because of patience.

Rather, patience proves the worth that I accredit to a person.

How can a Princess know that she is really worth waiting for?

That a Prince indeed waited for her.

So simple.

If it works out, great.

If things turn out differently, I would just have saved up a whole lot of patience for someone to come.

God is so wise.

New Year

New year, new beginnings.

He is for me, and I know it. No matter what happens. He will move the mountains.

"God wants our minds renewed so our will can be done." - Bill Johnson

I've been through the fire, and I have been changed. Perhaps I had to go through all that so that I could be sure of what I was really running after.

Today, I'm pretty sure. He is my Rock, and I trust Him above all else.

He will make everything beautiful in its time.

Amen.

:')

Waiting

It's been a crazy, crazy few months. I've learnt so many things, and I'm even such a different person. There are still struggles in life that I face, and I'm still learning to give it all to Him. But, just this week, I've been experiencing His lavishing affirmation about who I really am before Him, and what I can really do in life. Never mind if I feel like a loser or have my moments of low self-esteem. I know that He is always for me, and never against me. I may say this in a breath, but it really took great anguish to arrive at such conclusions. People have been telling me that I have low self-esteem, and I ought to think better of myself. After what happened, it's hard. But I agree, and I'll allow Him to speak over my life, and I'll hear it and receive it.

I've changed. My hopes are a blank - I don't even know what I wanna do, who I wanna marry, or even what kind of girl I like... But I guess it's a good place to be, cos then He can come in and fill in the blanks, perfectly. I had a great week before this, just taking up the guitar and singing loudly in the middle of the night. I don't normally do this at home. In fact, never done it. But I believe things are changing, and right down to my secret place and alone moments, I want to cry out to Him and be filled with His presence. Indeed, it is in our most lonesome moments that we struggle the most. At least that's true for me.

So yea, what have I changed? For one, I'm pretty much less rigid and more flexible. It's scary, cos, even morally, I seem to be okay with this or that. Like, when people tell me they smoke, or they have this or that relationship with someone that I may not approve of, I'm free to be open about it. Have to constantly check myself so that I don't become corrupt haha! But yes, I still have morals okay. I guess I'm just more forgiving and patient towards people, accepting that people do make blunders in life, even really unwise or immoral mistakes, and I'm learning to have compassion as my first and immediate response, as opposed to the judgemental one which I was brought up with. So yes, watch out for the new Ivan - more AWESOME than before!

Yes, I guess self-praise does help me cope with my esteem a bit. But nothing beats people telling you good stuff about you. So I shall not go too far praising myself, and wait for nice people who will say nice things to me. But, above all, I will listen out for my Father, who is constantly lavishing on me with His heavenly words of encouragement.

I have been shattered, but He restores, and He will surely make all things beautiful in His time. I'm waiting!

In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful
In His time
Lord please show me every day

As You're teaching me Your way
That You'll do just what You say
In Your time <3

Love You

'Tis a new season.

The winter has passed, and the spring time has come.

Learning to just be with Him, learning, growing, soaring, loving.

Many a times, my heart longs for a companion...

Little was I convicted that my heart was craving for the Fair One.

It's a lifelong dance.

Till I realize this, I probably will not understand Romance.

Neither will I qualify to be worthy of it.

Now, as I increase in my desperation, I'm falling deeply in love.

I have my needs met. I am satisfied.

Yet, I am not satisfied, because it opens the realm where there's just so much more to receive.

The love is endless. The lavishing is exceeding.

I received in part, and I'm praying for the fullness of it's fulfillment.

To be in place where I no longer pray "Thy will be done..."

But to ask and receive, so that my will be done.

Sounds anti-Biblical, but it isn't.

See how Abraham bargained, and how Moses insisted on his way.

Each time, God relented.

More and more I'm convinced that God wants us to be so close with Him at heart, so that He would do our will. He's eager to do as we say!

I wouldn't do anything a stranger tells me, but I do foresee gazing into my future wife's beautiful eyes, saying to her, "I'll do anything for you".

The difference is, I trust that my wife won't ask of me to do something against my will, such as to kill myself.

Gaining the trust of God - this is my romantic and divine journey this season.

I want Him to be so pleased with me.... so much so that He can't help but just pour out anything and everything that I ask!

Adds a new meaning to the phrase "I want to be like Jesus".

Jesus had that heavenly favour, and I want it to.

So I'm striving to please my Father, my First Love, my Fair One.

This is my prayer, it's my solemn vow

With all that I am, with all that I have

I will love You