True Love Awaits

I've tried.
I've been insecure.
I've tried my best to convince myself that our values don't match.
I've looked at other options, with the intent that somehow I may be drawn somewhere away...

But somehow the feelings creep back, and I can't move on.

Sometimes, true love may seem like the above.
It occupies my mind so much, I seldom have time to realise the truth...
But how can I forget that at every moment, my Lover awaits?

The world is deceptive.
And emotions don't tell the truth.
The world says follow your heart.
God's Word says the heart is deceitful above all things.

O God, You are right in all Your ways.
Lead my heart, Lord.
I love Your approval more than I love anything, or anyone, else.
May this be my bold, wholehearted, life song:

Amen
(:

Judging from my feelings, I think I'm done.
I'm successfully moving on.
Talked to a few close people, and I feel their support and agreement.
Although, I must say some things still catch my eye.
But at all other times, it's not a concern, really.
Whatever the case, thank You, God.
You have good plans for me.

//

I miss April. Badly.
Kinda lost, cos now there's no one to really call out.
Also because of timing, it's really hard to catch her... D:

[12:18:51 AM] Ivan Lau: :)
[12:28:39 AM] April Ng Wai Lam: sorry! i have to go now
[12:28:55 AM] Ivan Lau: okays
[12:28:59 AM] Ivan Lau: will you be back?
[12:29:14 AM] April Ng Wai Lam: nope, maybe tmr
[12:29:18 AM] Ivan Lau: okays
[12:29:22 AM] Ivan Lau: bye! (:
[12:29:29 AM] April Ng Wai Lam: byebye!:))
[12:29:32 AM] April Ng Wai Lam: miss you
[12:29:35 AM] Ivan Lau: miss you too!
[12:30:47 AM] April Ng Wai Lam: byebye!
[12:30:54 AM] Ivan Lau: byeeee!! ):

Yeahh... but it's okay. The person may be far, but the friendship is good and strong.
Thank you April. You've been a wonderful friend here in Singapore.
And you're still as wonderful wherever you are.
Looking forward to seeing you soon!!
Tagg when you read this! (:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

- 2 Cor 4:7-9

Thank You Lord. This verse is really timely.
I'm blessed beyond the cursed for Your promise will endure.
Yes Lord. Yes yes Lord.
Amen (:

How would you feel if that girl was your mum, and the guy isn't your father?

I remember Pastor James talking about making life decisions.
At one point, he said that many godly men choose girls who can be good wives, but do we look out to see if they can be good mothers too?

I'm looking out for a good mother-to-be.
I'm not shutting the door, but I pretty much know what I want and do not want.
It's painful, but I'm moving on.

Just wanna cry out in desperation now.

Faithful One, so unchanging.
Ageless One, You're my Rock of peace.
Lord of all, I depend on You.

I call out to You. Again and again.
I call out to You. Again and again.

You are my Rock in times of trouble.
You lift me up when I fall down.
All through the storm Your love is the anchor.
My hope is in You alone.

Help me God.
This heartache is hard to bear.
All the things going on in my heart and mind.
I'm calling out to You.
Will You answer? Will it be good news?
I need solace.
Lift me up, O Lord. Anchor me in Your love.
For You alone are faithful.

Amen. (:

One day, I'll pick up the courage to tell you this face to face.

Somehow, I'm always so eager to know how you are.
I dunno about you, but it totally makes my day when we get to talk (:
Really appreciate moments like tonight.

//

It's not really wrong, I guess
You're doing something you're passionate about, and not deliberately crossing boundaries.
And I don't really have a say in it either, cos it's your personal standards.
Just that, for me, I have always thought that such "stuff" would be saved for a *special* someone/moment.
At least, that is what it looks like in my dreams, which has been painfully trashed...

饮水思源

This is a pretty cool Cantonese rap composed by a guy who is opposed to Guangzhou's authorities, who are planning to replace Cantonese TV channels with Mandarin ones. I support him.

Cantonese is a precious language.
It is 2000 years old, while Mandarin is only 800.

China's heritage is preserved in the South, so scholars say, because most wars in ancient China happened in the North, and people in the North moved their homes pretty often. Pretty much explains why most of the North speak a dialect similar to Mandarin - they intermingle through generations of travelling to and fro.

Cantonese, on the other hand, is spoken by the Chinese pretty much settled in the South. While it is not the only Southern Chinese "dialect" (actually, it's more of a language of its own, cause it's totally different from Mandarin and Mandarin-related dialects), it preserves the heritage of our forefathers from ages past (2000 years!).

And for me, it's my identity too.

But now, the language is sidelined. No, it's not Singapore. It's the Motherland.
They've succeeded in wiping it out in my generation here in Singapore.
But if it happens also in land which is the Source of the language, who will be left to uphold the tradition? Hong Kong?
Yes, we have to modernise and move on.
But I can't compromise my roots.

饮水思源.
That's what my teachers and parents taught me.
And it's a virtue I intend to keep.
I know that English is virtually my First Language now.
But I will keep on improving on my Cantonese.
Not just for the sake of my roots, but also for the many people I cherish - aunties, uncles, 婆婆s, Pastors etc. Even some migrant youngsters (or children of migrants) and friends (:
God gave me my heritage. He put these people around me.
So I'm pretty sure learning the language of my forefathers keeps me in step with my purpose.

I will learn Cantonese. Well. (:

And oh, by the way, "饮水" is Cantonese vocabulary (pronounced yum soei). Mandarin speakers say "喝水". See what I mean? Only the authentic stuff make it to the list of 成语s.

I hope the Chinese government doesn't do something so foolish as to diminish Cantonese. And I hope that they won't succeed, because the Bible says God desires that people worship Him, from every tribe and tongue. God values diversity. Praising Him in diverse languages brings Him glory. May He grant the CCP wisdom not to do this silly thing. Amen.

If you're reading this: Learn your dialect guys!!

Happy Birthday SUMSUM!! :D

Happy 14th birthday Ron!! :D

sighhh I realised when I was trying to find a photo to put up that I haven't had a proper picture taken with you before!! ): must take one soon okayyy??

Anyways, just wanna dedicate this post to you (:
You've been an awesome little sister and friend! Thanks for helping me with my project last semester. I got an A!! hehe (: Really enjoy the process of seeing you mature these years, and somehow, I'm beginning to realise that you're actually quite mature! Like, it's quite fun and meaningful talking to you. Like adults would normally say, 你长大了. now I feel so old... heh!

I sense that you have a special calling for your own generation, both in church and outside. You're called to lead with a servant's attitude, which you seem to be already doing. And you've got patience and a huge dose of discipline - something young people these days seriously lack!

Personally, you've been a blessing to my heart. I feel supported when you're around, and you personality is just soo... encouraging (: like Miss Sunshine!

So, happy 14th birthday, and may you grow in wisdom, servant-leadership, patience, and beauty all the more in the coming year!

See you next time @ some ice cream shop. And please bring a camera along! (:

Love,
Kor Ivan

... I just can't stand it :'(

Hope you understand this deeply...
Wishing you the highest good that can happen (:

... or if one of you goes... well, I shouldn't say where (:
Just trust God.

I'm super convicted by the 40 day fast booklet.

From today's passage:

Amid betrayals and fallouts, love never fluctuates. Love never alternates. Love never ends.

Is your love tough? Does it remain constant through the ups and downs, bumps and bruises of human relationships? Or does it fluctuate and diminish as family and friends change for the worse and disappoint you in a thousand ways? Ask God to replace your fragile, fitful love with His unflinching agape love.

Yes Lord. Replace my weak heart with a loving one that has the capacity to endure all things and yet remain loving. Also grant me the power to express such great love through my speech and actions. Amen.

The dress you wore made you look really pretty today (:

I like your fashion sense.
You're so good at it.