yes indeed in God's time all things will fall into place.
don't really know what to do. i've been looking forward to NOW, but now that its supposed to be the time i've been waiting for, i'm TOTALLY at a loss.
i don't have the opportunity.
i don't have the courage.
i don't have magical powers to make things turn out my way.

and you... i'm mixed between being happy and being envious.
i'll try to be just happy.

Above all, I surrender all this to God.
In His time all things will fall into place.
No circumstance too difficult. No emotions too strong.
God reigns above all.
He is mighty to save. He will come through.
In His time.

You give and You take away.
Blessed be Your name.
It's not my kingdom. It's Yours.
Build it as You please.
I only ask to be remembered.
Help me get over this and straighten me up quickly.
Give me joy everlasting.
You are my portion. You alone.
Bring me back to the secret place.
I need only to be special in Your sight.

oh manzz.... old flame's burning... whattodo whattodo whattodo.....

breathtaking

i hope i'm wise.
i want to be wise, like my Master.

for it is the wellspring of life...

love is beyond that cute girl or that good feeling about someone...
love is action. love is sacrifice. love is a choice.
therefore, choose love.

Just came back from cell. We were doing the last of honour's reward by my favourite preacher John Bevere. Thank God for servants like him! Just felt that dispite my mistakes and sins, God still loves me and honours me as His child. What a privilege! He's excited about me just as I'm excited about.. *someone*... and more! hahaha things God teaches you through heart issues. Actually, I already learnt it a few years back. Just some revision and refreshing in this aspect tonight(:

Thank you Lord for cell. It's so refreshing. I love my cell! My leaders MAryann and JeAnnie, my cellmates, my supper buddies, the word, the worship, the house, the dinner fellowship, EVERYTHING!! hahaha! actually I'm also a "leader" but I continue to regard Mary and Jean with seniority... plus 90% of my cell is older than me, so yeah... don't really feel comfortable being called a leader. Don't even know exactly why I raised my hand when they were asking who wanted to be in the Youth Cell Core. Like, i remember the FIRST time i stepped into the room, everyone was like 3-4 years older. To be honest, I just wanted to walk out from Pastor's office and maybe say that I'm sorry for being in the wrong meeting or something along those lines. BUT I couldn't think of a good enough excuse so I sat through that first meeting and continued going for subsequent meetings and now, I'm a "leader". Feels so wierd. I need something to own as a leader, cos I don't know how to lead people older than me. Really. And oh, is it "wierd" or "weird"?

2 years on balancing between JYC and Youth Core. I feel super attached to JYC, maybe cos its been almost 5 years already, but still don't feel as attached to Youth Core as when I was only 2 years into JYC. By 2 years I was super enthu and excited about camps and events and stuff etc etc in JYC... I need a sense of purpose. Maybe I'm supposed to learn from the older ones on the job. Maybe I'm supposed to be the "next generation of leaders". Whatever the case, help me God. I'm out of my comfort zone.

sigh...

and, I don't think I like anyone... for now(: I need to focus on God and His work. If a girl comes by, then good. If not, then my devotion continues to be directed towards Him. Let me not be distracted. I wanna press on towards the goal. Feelings come and go, but the Word of the Lord stands firm forevermore. I will stand upon the rock. In Him I will trust.

I love you, Lord. Glorify Yourself in my life. Keep me from temptation. Let Your kingdom reign in and through me. Let people around me see Your face. Let sin and shame be rendered powerless and let healing and miracles happen wherever I go because of Your glorious presence in my life. Let Your will be done. Let love and justice flow. Let there be light. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

i need this in my life.

sometimes, i wish i lived in a fairytale, where monsters and evil witches lurk, but also where glorious, magical, mysterious and noble people and places exist. wanna go through all the adventure and stuff, and then live happily ever after.




this is what i tell myself whenever i become too caught up with heart issues. i just tell myself to treasure my friends and family, rather than long for that special someone who is far away. never knew it was a Bible verse tho... haha !

she said it was sweet(:
now i can't stop smiling(:

This is a dangerous statement. It has good and bad, depending on how you interpret it.

The following is my stand:
You don't follow your heart. You lead it.
You train it. You discipline it.
Until it becomes as gold.

I believe in the Kingdom.

I wish I had to pass this by on my way home every day.

This reminds me of Jesus.

I like good fashion sense. I wish I had good fashion sense too.
She has(:

Which sometimes makes me realise how potent a value it is to me. I already find the girl in the photo attractive without even having seen her face. Not that I'm superficial. Its just that I'm pretty aesthetic in just about everything. I'd like a touch of taste in the things that I see and hear. That's okay I guess. It took me years to finally realise that its possible to appreciate good-looking things (and people, girls especially :P) without being artificial.

I had a authoritarian and conformative upbringing, that's why.

This is our God.

Living as Children of Light (Eph 4)

17So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin"[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

yes. i am different. i must put off my old self. like a participant in a marathon, i must train myself regularly for the race - the race for holiness. i long to reach the goal. i have to train.

but how can i train my thoughts and attitudes and learn to put on the new self?

by doing Godly things. by developing a habit of doing useful things and working and helping those in need. by speaking truthfully to my neighbour. by speaking words that build others, not tear them down. by being kind and compassionate. by forgiving.

oh Lord, please help me.

hahaha have a good laugh !

??

wow this is wicked...

these totally cracked me up

its about time love messages like this are dedicated to you, God.
i guess there's none that can be there for me like you.
i remember 4 years ago, about this time, i was at the worst point in my life. ending my life never seemed so attractive an option. but You sustained me. through my loneliness and tears You walked with me and built me up to what i am today.
You've added many people to my life since then. some i'm closer to, some i'm not, some i'm not so close to anymore, and so on. in essence, You've added companionship into my life.
but in times like today, i come back to realise that the dry loneliness doesn't really leave me. sure my friends are good to talk to. sure its good to have people to think about and make plans around. but i always come back to the place where i'm reminded that at the end of it all, this road that i'm walking is between You and me only.

its You and i against the world, after all (:
i love You, Lord.
and bless ALL my relationships so that Your glory can be seen through each one of them(:



and you. i think you're really beautiful and approachable and friendly, and i'm captivated by the person that you are. but i don't know if i'm up to it. i feel like i'm ready. i'm 23. of cos its not just a matter of age. but yeah, i think i'm ready, but i'm still hesitant. i don't think God has any objections to anything at this point, but i think i should continue to wait for a wee bit longer. wanna take some time to build closer ties on the friendship level. i think our friendship as of now is good, but i'd like to, erm, know you better and stuff. hope to be able to ask you out soon(:

(:

i'm like that most of the time

not to us, but to Your Name be the glory

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

one day i wanna try stuff like this

talked to her today. just gave me one more reason to smile (:

haha april thanks for shopping with me. guess i need some feminine advice when it comes to clothes and fashion, cos i'm kinda poor at it... at least not where i want myself to be. and thanks also for being so supportive! haha! you saw that brief exchange riiiightttt? hahaha!

14 blades was great ! chinese movies are seriously getting better (: okay i've officially removed my absolute bias that hollywood beats chinashows. still, i think that chinese movies need to really improve on their CGI. seriously. it spoils the whole mood even if the storyline is good.

cos that’s when my life changes the most.

tumblr is so filled with lust. not in the sexual sense, though there are indeed some, but more primarily in the aesthetique sense. there's just soooo much nice pictures/quotes etc to be obsessed about. i need to control myself. i hope its only because i'm new.

good things i did today:
1. committed to pay $38 on a monthly basis to Singapore Heart Foundation.
2. returned the phone
all thanks to Love Revolution.its bringing out the kind soul in me.

"Real love is costly" - Joyce Meyer

but i made mistakes too.

when i force myself not to think about you, my mind occupies itself with other rubbish.
lust, ambition and pride. i don't knock on the door for these junk. i didn't place any orders. they just come as they please. perhaps its just... the world that we live in today. here's how i define lust:

lust = all pleasure, no warmth

after jogging, i was reaaalllyyy tired. and as i rested, i started to think about you again, and warmth just filled my heart. all the rubbish just fade away and become insignificant. so i guess its good to have someone to think about after all (:


but just as it seems all nice and sweet, reality sets in. you're not mine. and i can tell that you've got many suitors. and i can't help but ask how worthy am i anyway. and i don't like competition when it comes down to personal things like this. i'm afraid of losing. that's why i tell myself not to think so much. and the cycle continues.


ok enough. i need to occupy myself with healthy things to do. ha!
i'm going shopping with april tmr. need to get a tiger shirt for sat's youth cell cny dinner :D
sounds like a plan. a healthy one. (:

to end the day off, just wanna share this song that is giving me strength for the day (:

i always thought i belonged to the dangerous side of life.

slept only between 530 am and 630 am this morning (last night). the maggi goreng was rumbling in my tummy. tormented by 2 mosquitoes, the latter of which i finally killed by 530 am. a flurry of thoughts that ran through my mind all night long. (was it due to the caffaine?) and tumblr is addictive and thought provoking. shouldn't tumblr just before bed. seriously.

its 3 plus in the afternoon. good night world.

and i don't regret the goreng (:

this totally reminds me of... you.

wisdom is what i need... desperately. a thousand times i've failed already...

this reminds me of the song At the Foot of the Cross. beautiful.



thank You, Lord, for this is the day You have made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.