Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
frustration and masters
frustration. the product of the realisation of one's inability to find solutions to one's questions and problems.
everyone with a thinking mind asks the question "why". few, however, understand why.
very often, we wonder why things go wrong around us, and these "wrong" things then seem to be what's troubling us. for example, if i discover one day that i was backstabbed by someone whom i regard to be a close friend, i would then wonder "WHAT IN THE WORLD!?" and then lament and agonise over the fact that my friend betrayed me. the betrayal, then seems to be the "problem". however, the real source of frustration isn't in the "problem" that i percieved to be, but rather my approach to the situation. i get frustrated not because of the betrayal first and foremost, but because i refuse to stop wondering why it had to happen, or why it happened.
it seems that we have trained ourselves to ask why something has to happen that hurts or baffles us, as if it shouldn't be happening. this leads us to be in a state of denial, because we don't want to believe that the problem is already happening or has happened, as is evident in our continual quest for a reason for it to happen, without which we cannot be fully convinced that there needs no further proof that what happened already has.
the solution to frustration is to acknowledge, not reason. acknowledge that the situation took place. acknowledge that we don't know, and don't have to. acknowledge that we can't solve everything. and, most importantly, acknowledge that God can solve everything, and He allowed us through the ordeal to make us not stronger (because He desires weakness in us, weakness that allows His true strength to flourish), not more dignified, not prouder, but holier. God's ultimate desire is for us to be holy - beautiful and perfect without blemish, just as a man desires the perfect wife - and He does it through helping us make the right choices in tough times, if only we'd adhere to Him! and after acknowledging these things, believe it. behave like its true, cos it is!
there is then no place for frustration AT ALL, even if the world crumbles (literally), for those who acknowledge God's soverign hand in all things. reasoning is man's own effort to figure what's happening around us. but acknowledging God for who He is makes us masters over the pain of sin.
perhaps the world can truly be transformed into the likeness of the kingdom of God if we stopped questioning and started becoming true masters who offer up ourselves as answers to the pain and sickness around us.
everyone with a thinking mind asks the question "why". few, however, understand why.
very often, we wonder why things go wrong around us, and these "wrong" things then seem to be what's troubling us. for example, if i discover one day that i was backstabbed by someone whom i regard to be a close friend, i would then wonder "WHAT IN THE WORLD!?" and then lament and agonise over the fact that my friend betrayed me. the betrayal, then seems to be the "problem". however, the real source of frustration isn't in the "problem" that i percieved to be, but rather my approach to the situation. i get frustrated not because of the betrayal first and foremost, but because i refuse to stop wondering why it had to happen, or why it happened.
it seems that we have trained ourselves to ask why something has to happen that hurts or baffles us, as if it shouldn't be happening. this leads us to be in a state of denial, because we don't want to believe that the problem is already happening or has happened, as is evident in our continual quest for a reason for it to happen, without which we cannot be fully convinced that there needs no further proof that what happened already has.
the solution to frustration is to acknowledge, not reason. acknowledge that the situation took place. acknowledge that we don't know, and don't have to. acknowledge that we can't solve everything. and, most importantly, acknowledge that God can solve everything, and He allowed us through the ordeal to make us not stronger (because He desires weakness in us, weakness that allows His true strength to flourish), not more dignified, not prouder, but holier. God's ultimate desire is for us to be holy - beautiful and perfect without blemish, just as a man desires the perfect wife - and He does it through helping us make the right choices in tough times, if only we'd adhere to Him! and after acknowledging these things, believe it. behave like its true, cos it is!
there is then no place for frustration AT ALL, even if the world crumbles (literally), for those who acknowledge God's soverign hand in all things. reasoning is man's own effort to figure what's happening around us. but acknowledging God for who He is makes us masters over the pain of sin.
perhaps the world can truly be transformed into the likeness of the kingdom of God if we stopped questioning and started becoming true masters who offer up ourselves as answers to the pain and sickness around us.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Stressed-NOT
I'm starting lead teaching on monday. meaning, i'm no longer an assistant, clicking and invigilating. i teach directly. higher pay, but more prone to stress.
speaking about stress, i was just thinking about it. the more i thought about how i'm gonna stand in front of a class and find things to say - whether i'll stumble and say wrong stuff etc - the more i feel the stress.
UNTIL ... a voice
"seriously, like, how bad can things get? at most kena fired la ! chey if so stress then no point working right? "
so, if i'm not even afraid of getting fired, why should i be stressed? just walk in, do what needs to be done, care not about how i performed, and leave. if i did well, good. if not, learn lor... stress not. haha !
33.5 bucks an hour. just do it. i've always been good at smoking my way through anyway (:
phew. now i can have a restful weekend (:
speaking about stress, i was just thinking about it. the more i thought about how i'm gonna stand in front of a class and find things to say - whether i'll stumble and say wrong stuff etc - the more i feel the stress.
UNTIL ... a voice
"seriously, like, how bad can things get? at most kena fired la ! chey if so stress then no point working right? "
so, if i'm not even afraid of getting fired, why should i be stressed? just walk in, do what needs to be done, care not about how i performed, and leave. if i did well, good. if not, learn lor... stress not. haha !
33.5 bucks an hour. just do it. i've always been good at smoking my way through anyway (:
phew. now i can have a restful weekend (:
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A Birthday TributeTo Two Wonderful Girls
Happy birthday Kelsie and Gracia ! (:
To my beloved sister of 20 years:
you see my ugliest side, yet you remain faithful and committed to loving me and hoping the best for me. thank you for the times when you tell me that i'm more handsome than your friends etc etc. dunno if you really mean it, but it warms my heart just to know that you care about my feelings. thank you also for being someone whom i can turn to when i got issues about *stuff* and am confused. although your advices seem half-past-six to me, i appreciate you taking the time and trying hahaha (: i'm grateful that after all the years of turmoil in our growing up years (which was largely my fault), we turned out to be such good friends! hope we can be so close until we grow old and die.
To the even younger sister:
you know, i never imagined being able to sit down with a girl 8 years younger and sharing so much stuff, knowing that my deep-down secrets are in good hands. its been a delight watching you grow up these few years, seeing how you became prettier, more mature and reliable, and becoming more of a great influential leader. i appreciate that you took my scoldings/serious talks with a brave attitude, not blaming me for the harshness, but rather accepting rebuke with an open heart and choosing to listen and change. thank you for respecting me as a leader, though you could have gone your way thinking that you can get away cos you're closer to me. you do not pursue your personal benefit, but always consider how others might feel and whether or not God is honoured by your decsions. you understand the heart of your leaders, and so i believe you'll be a great one yourself. i think that's why we can be so close.
i appreciate this friendship, once unexpected, now greatly cherished by me.
To my beloved sister of 20 years:
you see my ugliest side, yet you remain faithful and committed to loving me and hoping the best for me. thank you for the times when you tell me that i'm more handsome than your friends etc etc. dunno if you really mean it, but it warms my heart just to know that you care about my feelings. thank you also for being someone whom i can turn to when i got issues about *stuff* and am confused. although your advices seem half-past-six to me, i appreciate you taking the time and trying hahaha (: i'm grateful that after all the years of turmoil in our growing up years (which was largely my fault), we turned out to be such good friends! hope we can be so close until we grow old and die.
To the even younger sister:
you know, i never imagined being able to sit down with a girl 8 years younger and sharing so much stuff, knowing that my deep-down secrets are in good hands. its been a delight watching you grow up these few years, seeing how you became prettier, more mature and reliable, and becoming more of a great influential leader. i appreciate that you took my scoldings/serious talks with a brave attitude, not blaming me for the harshness, but rather accepting rebuke with an open heart and choosing to listen and change. thank you for respecting me as a leader, though you could have gone your way thinking that you can get away cos you're closer to me. you do not pursue your personal benefit, but always consider how others might feel and whether or not God is honoured by your decsions. you understand the heart of your leaders, and so i believe you'll be a great one yourself. i think that's why we can be so close.
i appreciate this friendship, once unexpected, now greatly cherished by me.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
hey
just wanna say that i'm sorry for being inadequate right there and then when you were in need of someone to listen and understand.
i'm sorry for being late (by about 20 min)
i'm sorry for mishandling my responsibilities, such that though i was there, i had to be busy with other things
yea, i felt really bad the whole day, cos i knew i blew it. the moment passed, and we had to move on to other things. wished i had gotten it right. i know the pain was great in your heart. but i didn't see it coming. i thought it was just gonna be some light hearted chit chat. forgive me for such inadequacy and insensitivity. i'll try to be better next time.
you matter to me. and all the more to God. i should be careful and reverent towards handling His little ones.
just wanna say that i'm sorry for being inadequate right there and then when you were in need of someone to listen and understand.
i'm sorry for being late (by about 20 min)
i'm sorry for mishandling my responsibilities, such that though i was there, i had to be busy with other things
yea, i felt really bad the whole day, cos i knew i blew it. the moment passed, and we had to move on to other things. wished i had gotten it right. i know the pain was great in your heart. but i didn't see it coming. i thought it was just gonna be some light hearted chit chat. forgive me for such inadequacy and insensitivity. i'll try to be better next time.
you matter to me. and all the more to God. i should be careful and reverent towards handling His little ones.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Officially Moving On
once it crosses the friday of march holidays, it'll be the five-year mark
of when my heart first skipped a beat for a young doe so sweet
every day on the bus from school
i felt like it was more of a journey of the heart
as i looked forward to the stop by your shool
to see if you would board the bus
time went on and it came to be that i had to serve the nation's call of duty
through the night i laboured and cried over missing you
as if the new regimentation wasn't enough to crush me
two years went by, and the morning dawned
i thought i could have the time to befriend you better
yet it seemed clearer that as i waited on His calling
that you had your studies, and i had my bidding
i have come to a point where i'm able to say
may you be blessed as you go your way
the lessons learned in this journey are but just mine to treasure
still, by faith, my journey to come will be blessed beyond measure
i'm thankful i never confessed to you.
God is faithful. Amen.
of when my heart first skipped a beat for a young doe so sweet
every day on the bus from school
i felt like it was more of a journey of the heart
as i looked forward to the stop by your shool
to see if you would board the bus
time went on and it came to be that i had to serve the nation's call of duty
through the night i laboured and cried over missing you
as if the new regimentation wasn't enough to crush me
two years went by, and the morning dawned
i thought i could have the time to befriend you better
yet it seemed clearer that as i waited on His calling
that you had your studies, and i had my bidding
i have come to a point where i'm able to say
may you be blessed as you go your way
the lessons learned in this journey are but just mine to treasure
still, by faith, my journey to come will be blessed beyond measure
i'm thankful i never confessed to you.
God is faithful. Amen.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
A Song
this song keeps ringing in my head. words and music by ian wong.
Am
give You glory
F
give You honour
C
give You praise
G
oh God most high
Am
give You glory
F
give You honour
C
give You praise
G
oh God most high
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
<3
matters of the heart are tricky. i am convinced i am a total noob at this. other people at my age should have gotten a hang of this. i do not envy their lifestyle, but i wish i was as sure as some of them are. oh God, please show me your way.
whattodowhattodowhattodo
whattodowhattodowhattodo
Monday, January 04, 2010
2010
I feel that this year is gonna be a year of major decisions. somehow this feeling just comes, and i don't really know how or why. maybe i should stop delaying and choose... but part of me tells me to wait and see... sigh.. i'm confused.
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