My first paper's next week, and I'm trying to balance work and study (it's challenging that I have to work whilst preparing for my exams... the programs this semester really dragged cos of all the public holidays)
I'm not all that rushed for time - I'm keeping up with my studies
But I'm not that ultra-well prepared either.
Looking back this year, I can see God's hand.
It was pretty much a year full of emotional roller-coasters and hurts, feelings that I've never felt at this intensity before.
But I've learnt a lot of lessons.
And that brings me hope.
God has shown and is still showing me a pathway to Him in times of troubles.
I know that at the end of the day, only He never fails.
And I've learnt to accept that people, more often than not, let you down.
I know, there's a popular, everybody-knows saying that "no one's perfect".
But I guess I've experienced this fact about life to a much deeper level this year.
And God has trained me how to overcome troubles at such levels.
So, thank God for the growth (:
God also dealt with a lot of my insecurities that I foolishly and naively built up.
And I'm still learning how to wisely draw the line between trust and naivety.
Absolute trust with absolute wisdom - only God can teach me the way.
And I thank Him for the lessons this year.
I feel that I've lost much, in terms of relationships.
A lot of people whom I used to be close to didn't like me, at least for a period, or there was some distance relationally, or even geographically.
I know at some point it was my fault. I didn't know how to handle the situation, so I did what my limited knowledge guided me to do.
I tried my best, really.
And for the times I stood my ground, I do not regret - standards are standards.
I only regret not having had the wisdom to communicate them better.
But I can see that on most sides, things are getting better, some even better than before.
So I thank God for His mercy and His gift of reconciliation. Really means a lot.
And I have also gained much.
I really grew closer to my peers, who are awesome brothers in Christ. They really light the way for me at times and help me laugh in times of sadness. Thank you Lester, Daniel, Andy.
And all the sisters, here and there, whom I HTHT with, and ask advice from, I appreciate you all. You girls offer me a safe and warm place where I can channel all my emotions and feel understood. Such times really built me up and sustain me.
So I thank God for these gains.
He gives and He takes. May His Name ever be praised!
Also wanna mention Don Lowe, who really encouraged me during family camp.
He has been taking the time to mentor me since I was 15, and I just wanna honour him with this short paragraph. Don is a source of wisdom in my life. Thank You Lord for this obedient servant of Yours.
Back to now... I stand at a threshold.
I've been feeling really low because of my academic record this year. One failed exam, which I'm going to repeat next Monday, and horrible assignment results (47 was the lowest!). These make me lose confidence for this round of exams.
But, I'm glad He's speaking even as I'm feeling all this pessimism.
I am a Prince. I am called to rule and reign in all that He calls me to do.
Failure is but a process - it's not my destiny.
He works all things for my good because I really love Him.
I still do not know how my results will be, but He will come through for me.
Thank God for such reminders. Thank God for cell!
And... about the most anticipated issue... nothing's clear. I think I'm obvious enough, but I know I shouldn't push it. I made a conscious decision to wait till this year is over. I shall stick to it. I thank God it doesn't bother me anymore. It does bug from time to time, but it's only natural. It's a universal human longing. But God has set my heart according to the right priorities, miraculously, because I have been reading His word with a much more open heart lately. And He's showing me things - standards and options that I would never have thought of if it weren't for all the other things that happened this year. So, another thank You to God.
He's amazing. Really.
I stand at a threshold. Behold, new things are about to come.
I really appreciate it that you've read till this far. Bless you to find God in your daily walk too.
You will surely be blessed!
