freedom

08 dec 2007 - O.R.D.

it's been 2 crazy years. 2 years of minimal freedom. 2 years of bondservanthood.

now, i get to come home everyday, shower with warm water, use my computer daily, and most dearly missed - i get to spend time with people who matter to me.

church has become my second home once again. just spending time with people who changed my life - that itself remains lifechanging indeed. playing, doing work i enjoy, meeting people i love..... these things have become so foreign.

in JYC... looking at the sec 3s just makes me wanna cry. i remember spending some time with ruoting before enlisting - she was such a chirpy innocent girl. now she's a changed person, matured and grown (perhaps still growing) up. limxi, quiet and shy; now she's open and expressive. bea was such a cute little girl, and now she's a leader in her own right, caring for younger ones and even leading her peers. (sorry guys, i got to know you all only recently =D no hard feelings okay?) and now that i've got time again, they're all leaving. what have i missed out?

missing out.... it's a difficult thing to accept. nevertheless, i've learnt lessons in these 2 years i coundn't have otherwise. now that it's over, i've got to make these lessons worth the while. 2 years ain't no joke. it's a heavy price to pay. i need God to show me how to live it right.

freedom is so cool. no book-ins, no regiment, no half-baked food (literally hahahaha). i really love this kinda lifestyle. i appreciate freedom. but more importantly, i appreciate the spiritual freedom that Christ bought with his blood - the freedom that can never be taken away. it was with me even throughout the last 2 years, when physical freedom seems bleak.

that is real freedom; it is grace so amazing. such freedom cannot be matched. the freedom i'm experiencing now would be meaningless without that greater freedom inside. that's freedom to smile at the storm, freedom to persevere in hardship, freedom to keep my words pure even when swearing seems to be the norm. freedom to say God is good in the midst of trouble, freedom to thank God in times of need. freedom to have joy amidst frustration.

wow. what a privilege to gain such freedom! what have i done to deserve such grace? it's so real, i cannot deny it's power. i can only stand in awe of the One who gave it all - He died to give me liberty. sin has lost its hold on me, and i have overcome death itself.

i am free indeed.