I suddenly had a revelation while looking through some photos.
My duty is to watch over you as you bloom.
To see you grow, mature, be secure in Him and impact the generations.
To watch you reach your destiny is what makes me content.
I don't have to have you. Or get to talk to you, or be noticed by you.
It's not about what I can get.
It's about having the privilege of seeing God unfold the treasure in you.
It's a privilege to have you in my life and even be friends.
I bless you with joy and peace in whatever you do.
I'm cheering you on.
As a brother and friend.
(:

The worst news a man can hear

This is shocking for any man to hear.
I wonder if girls are like that really.
Christian girls?
I've felt betrayed before, and it really hurt.
What more this husband?
There's just so many questions running through my head.
Why didn't the girl control herself, or her emotions there and then?
Why did she allow herself to be willful?
Could these things have been prevented?
Were there signs that these things were to happen even before they did?
I'm guessing the lady probably didn't think she'd do these things herself.
Everything was probably sweet and well on their wedding day.
She probably would have been kind of "innocently willful", but not considered as a threat.
But... sigh... this show breaks my heart.
This world needs to know faithfulness and openness.

Imagine if she had processed everything honestly with her husband from the start.
Imagine if she made it a point to be accountable to him, like by telling him where she is every now and then, especially when she's in unusual circumstances.
And allow him to ask personal questions.
It would have been much harder for her to be unfaithful.

Accountability is important.
Not just in marriage, but in life.
God is faithful, and I hope His faithfulness spreads like wildfire in our time.
This world needs it.
Even Christians need it.
I need it.

Your Word is a light unto my path
Your love guides me through my darkest night

And even though sometimes Your ways I cannot understand
I'll never walk away because my future's in Your hands

I don't care what people will say
I'm running after You
I won't turn back and go their way
I'm running after You

Don't matter what may come my way
I'm running after You
It's You I'm following today
I'm running after You

I! WILL! RUN! TO YOU!

Yes Lord. I don't care what may come my way.
Give me strength to run after You.

I got an F for one of my 3 papers last sem.
Super shocked.
I actually felt confident for the paper.
Didn't know how I could've failed.
I did pretty well for my assignments.
And I didn't think I was super out of touch with the topics during the exam.
I dunno. Maybe I really did mess it up.
I'm gonna apply for a review.
Gonna cost some $53+++
I hope they'll change their minds.
God, what are You saying to me?
:'(

I'm starting work tomorrow.
I'm taking over from someone. Gonna be haphazard, I presume.
But God, I know You have Your reasons.
So bless this term.
Bless my heart.
Give me faith to trust in You, and be a blessing to all whom I encounter.
And please hold JYC close in Your embrace.
I know You love her. You alone will be her protector and her shield.
I pray she'll soar.
Thank You, Lord.
You are good. Your faithfulness reaches to the heavens.

New Season! (:

HTHT-ed with Gracia and Anna yesterday. Was great. Seeing lives transformed. Seeing battles won, or still raging but with victory in sight. I really thank God for the free time this season for me to meet up with so many people.

//

Gonna start work next week. New school, new programmes, and I'm taking over halfway from a colleague, so it's gonna be a bit haphazard. But I've gone through enough to know that God will take me through anyway. So yea. I trust You Jesus!!!! :) :) :) I will be a light that shines Your name!

//

I feel that the tide is changing. A new season is coming! I'm so eggcited!! ohmygosh... ImsoexcitedImsoexcitedImsoexcited!!! Okay Ivan, stop it. Yes. Poised.

But yea, I'm really looking forward to the new season. It's been a rough ride, but I'm thankful that everyone's still hanging on to Christ. Wanna see a different kind of power coming through JYC in the remaining half of the year. Excited about the coming P6s also, after hearing what Anna has said (: It's gonna be cool! Looking forward to camp already :P

I've got a Saviour and He's living in me, WHOAA!
I wanna know, I wanna know You today!
You're the best thing that has happened to me
And the world will never take...
The world will never take You away!!!

Jesus is the Bestest! (:

Little Girl

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

- 1 John 3:1

Don't be sad. Lift up your eyes.
Rise up once again to show the world what real beauty looks like.
Broken wings can be repaired. Roses will bloom again.
Tears will be wiped away as you don't have time for the past.
Eyes on heaven! See the angels celebrate!
For the souls you bless will be many.
A precious treasure you are. The King parades you as a sacred prize.
How tender is His love for you, O child!
His lavishing knows no limits.

2 things I learnt from wise Joel Wong today:
1. Emotions lie.
2. It's all about perspective.

I've heard these things before, but somehow, I feel that the younger generation are so deprived of such golden wisdom. Which is why my entire being was kicking when Joel was speaking during camp guys' session.

An example:
When I do badly for my first semester in sec 3, as the score is placed right before me, I can feel like it's the worst thing that can happen. At this point in time. However, given that I'm now preparing for my A's, and looking back, does that test still remain relevant? No. When we look at things that are immediately before us with a here-and-now perspective, we are like using a microscope, making something so small seem so big before us. This is when our emotions hit us. But when we look at every single thing in the light of our entire life, and our entire existence, and eternity, the immediate circumstances immediately seem so small and irrelevant. That's why perspective matters. And if the eternal perspective is the truth, then the here-and-now perspective is a lie. That's why emotions lie.

Don't you just love it when Joel speaks? I grew up in cell hearing him speak week after week after week. I think the younger ones should have some similar opportunities. heh.

Finally managed to buy Ronz ice cream today for helping me with my assignment (:

It was a good time of talking, sharing, htht-ing etc. But more importantly, I know God is saying something. He's speaking a message of hope. Through her, I see hope. God has not forgotten JYC, but He has allowed us to go through a valley and in the process show us that His light is still upon us. And there I was, having ice cream with someone who could easily have gotten angry or sunk in disappointment and sadness, but had instead chosen to fight her battle well, notwithstanding the tears along the way.

I believe God is going to do something special in this camp. It'll require us to discipline our hearts, but I know He has prepared them and with His Spirit, it is possible. Like family camp, He's gonna sweep down like a mighty river, making our old selves seem so silly in plain sight, while giving us a new self, a new name, a new identity. He's gonna make new things, new persons, new desires. And it's all to His glory, which will be awesome (:

Thanks RonzBonz (: you fought well in this season! You have my admiration *winks* :D
And oh, you should learn to say "thank you" when receiving compliments ;P

Sometimes we learn to say the 'correct' things in church, and then we go and blog about how we really feel.

But I choose to declare the truth when I'm around church people, and when I go to my secret corner I tell my feelings to obey the truth.

I should talk more with people who understand emotions and are good at mastering over humans' deceptive hearts.

Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.
- Genesis 4:7

Yes. I will be a master over deception.

O God. Only You can move the hearts of Man.
And I will not try to do Your job.

I'm fighting to be secure.
It's a battle I have to fight. For myself and those whom I love.
The destiny of JYC hinges on every single choice we make.
Good choices. Let's make them.

And let God come into the picture.
Make it about Him.
Let every opportunity and entry count for Jesus.

Family Camp changed my life.

I am a new creation.
I am a miracle worker.
My purpose is to bring the lost to the arms of the Father.
I will not be satisfied until my purpose is fulfilled.
I'm putting many things away.
I'm pursuing God to a greater extent in this season.
I will not abide by feelings, but I will subdue them, as is my right as His son.
I am ever lavished and adored upon as His bride.
This is my identity.

This is our God.

I'll remind myself of all that You've done.

When I'm angry, I'll remember that I have sinned against You, yet You forgave.
When I'm disappointed, I'll remember the times You blessed me.
When I'm heartbroken, I'll remember that You still love me.

I'm Yours. Forever Yours.

"Girls are better at handling uncertainty. They enjoy the process."
- Pastor Lilian

That's what she said when I asked her about a week ago why do guys seem to be at such a frustrated state when they like a girl, but a girl seems to be so cool even when liking a guy.

Though, I know girls who DEFINITELY are not like what Pastor described, but good Christian girls generally are like that (:

***

There is a place for hurts and disappointments.

But these shall not be my master. I will overcome.

I Will Rejoice

It's kinda cute that my day could be summarised orderly in 4 separate events, 3 of which were interesting meetings with people (: The following is gonna be an essay, so brace yourself if you're set on reading it.

1. Lunch with Anna
Talked about loads of things in those 3 hours. Exchanged lots of stories, LOTS! hehe (: It's really encouraging to find someone fighting strong in the spirit.Young as she is, she's going on passionate and adamant about making clear and good choices. The hurts are still there, and I can totally relate to some of those, and they're only making her wiser and purer in heart. Ian was telling me over supper 2 nights ago that you can tell when people make good choices cause their life shows it all (and, surely, vice versa). And I think, Anna, I'm really encouraged to find that you've been doing just that! I'm so proud of you! Press on yea? (:

2. IPPT
The following sums it all...
Sit-up: 40
Broad jump: 234cm
chin up: 8
Shuttle run: 10.2s
2.4: 11:39

Injured my knee after the whole thing. 2.4 was crazy I tell you... The moment I started running I was already half-exhausted cause of the static stations. When I trained on my own, I only did chin ups before I ran 3km or so. But I also did sit ups (which totally killed my stamina) and shuttle run. Felt like puking from the 5th round on. My pace was much slower that when I ran 3km! !!!! But for some reason, I finished on 11:39, just making it silver! And my 8th chin up was, I think, given by the PTI. Maybe he thought I really did have my chin above the bar when the machine didn't read.

I was kinda emotional about it, cause somehow it was in line with what God's been doing in my life this season. I'm struggling, like mad, but He will make sure I'll go through and finish well.

3. Church ppl @ Taka
After IPPT, went to meet some church peeps at takashimaya. There were Simon, Anton, Maryann, Tany, Sharon, Kelsie and Berakah. Was just encouraged to just join them for a while and just be amongst church people. In desperate times, simple gatherings like this reminds me of hope and love.

4. Dinner/Supper with brudder Fai
Final destination - Old Airport Road. Had a good long talk with him. Really privileged to have a caring and open brother with whom I can just talk to about life.


Summary
It seems clear that everything that happened today were a message of love and hope from the Lover. It can't be clearer that He's out to love me and set my eyes on things that are about hope. For too long the enemy has stolen my hopeful vision and has made me focus on darkness instead, which led me to experience a whole train of disappoints and hurts during this season. But, I know that a time is coming soon when I can surely say that God is my hope, and at every turn I will envision and declare His majesty, even in the uttermost depths of valleys.

On my way home, He brought me back some years ago when I said that I wanted to be like the Apostle Paul. And I've been receiving revelation about Paul, who had to deal with churches that were deeply rooted in sin. Surely he must have been hurt. He wrote scores of letters to those churches - in Corinth, Ephesus, Rome etc - to warn and point to the right things. He could have felt hopeless. I mean, people were having sexual relations with one another within the church! But he did not. Rather, he declared that his life was a drink offering poured out to serve God's people, and he still keeps his joy! Yes, I should bear a similar attitude, especially in this season. JYC will recover and shine.

300 years after Paul's death, his heartfelt letters were recovered to form a large part of the New Testament, which became the basis of Christian theology. Not only did his labour and suffering not go wasted, they impacted generations of Christians, and will very likely continue to impact God's people until His coming. God honours our sacrifices for Him (:

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life — in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.

- Philippians 2:14-17

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

- 2 Tim 4:6-7

Yes. I will rejoice in the fiercest of fights!

For the past week or so, I couldn't help but refer to You.
In my journal, blog, thoughts and affection.
Many things fill my mind.
Important and unimportant.
Dear and distant.
Present and future.

And they all point to You.
There's been nothing I could reserve for someone else.

It's all about You, Jesus
Not people
Not the pain
Not memories
Not even her
None but Jesus