Worship, Music, Servant's Attitude

This is so key for worship musicians!

I understand like EVERYTHING she says, cos I've been through the whole struggle thing. I believe that artists do have a certain urge to "perform" and "display" rather than hold back. We have this big deal about expression and striving "to be our best" (but, really, we're trying to outdo the others). I've seen people coming by YC's worship team and asking to wanna play for worship, and when the leaders say "no" or "wait", or give them something smaller, they complain that they are not given opportunities etc. And then they leave. I'd be patient with anything else that happens outside church. But when it comes to those who have the rebellious audacity to accuse God's Church, I say to your spirit, "SHUT UP!"

Honour, humility, submission, faithfulness. These are the attitudes of worship. That's why I sometimes I refuse to use the word "worship" with things like "worship practice" or "worship jamming", cos I know its NOT the music. Really. I'd just use the words "practice" and "jamming" respectively, unless I have to be specific. The chairperson's role, or the speaker's words, is just as worshipful as the "worship session".

I have waited patiently until 18 I think, when they "promoted" me to lead worship for cell. At 20 I played for JYC. And at 22, I led at JYC. It was sometimes very tempting to compare myself with the older guys, who got to play since their early teens. But I know that God has His timing, as Kim Walker said, and I trust that He knows what He's doing. Not having opportunities doesn't mean I'm not good enough. And I don't have to keep wanting to prove myself. With what I have, I give my best. In honour, humility, submission and faithfulness.

May the artists in YC be of a different breed.

WORSHIP IS KISS

When we sang this song during YC today, I was totally shaken. Really.I just knelt down, grabbed the chair in front of me tightly, like God Himself was coming so near me. I had this vision of a rectangle, tall and wide enough for me to walk through. I was floating in space and this rectangular "gateway" kept remaining before me, as if I was invited to enter through it. I knew what it meant. God was calling me to a separate dimension. A realm of existence where His presence is more real than reality itself.

All the while I had this vision, I was consciously grabbing the chair, because I knew God was coming close. Like a husband and His wife. Intimacy. Although I can't really see it or feel it physically, I knew God was intentionally coming close. Suddenly, it didn't matter whether I was a sinner, or whether I was a good Christian or leader. He simply wanted to come close. He simply wanted me. And He was adamant about it. He didn't relent. He wants it all. So my entire spirit man screamed.

I heard it say that "worship" in Hebrew also means "to kiss". I never felt any intimacy like today. In the light of His closeness, all the guilt and past really disappeared... for the first time.

I used to be into Evanescence, a heavy metal band, cos I really liked their style. But I never thought I'd hear it play in Church. Glad that God approves of it tho(:

Fear God

During free period today, there was a quickening inside of me to wanna pray for JYC. After JYC meeting last night, it really dawned on me how seriously I ought to treat my ministry. After talking to Tany about stuff that's been happening here and there, I concluded that I need to fear God. Fear struck my heart last night.

God is holy, and even in hearing His most loving voice, something inside of me has to tremble, because He is holy, and I am not. That is the fear of the Lord.

And it wasn't just myself that needed to fear God. JYCers need to, and all Christians are called to. So it starts with the leadership. Action has to be taken. Sin has to be purged. As long as we naively think that God is all about gentleness and forgiveness, He cannot come into our lives, because He simply won't stay in a place that doesn't give Him the due respect and reverence.

So as I prayed "all I fear is You, Lord!" during free period, a song arose in me. This happens pretty often, but I never really bother jotting them down, or developing these tunes into a proper song. At most, I'll just write them in the form of a psalm in my journal, like during army (sorrowful times...). But, since I'm doing worship leading on a more frequent basis now, I decided to make it into a full song, and hopefully spread this BIG fire in my heart.

>>>Sidetrack, I'm actually realising more and more that I'm musically inclined. I mean, yea I've been learning music since 3 years old, but as I look back and ponder in recent times, I'm beginning to believe that this talent MUST be utilised to serve God, which is also in line with another point that came up during JYC meeting. >>>

So I'm fearing God. All over again. May my spiritual maturity be taken to a higher level this time. And I believe it has something to do with family camp.

I love You, Lord. Teach me to love fear You more.

"Four-year-old Paige Bennethum really, really didn’t want her daddy to go to Iraq. So much so, that when Army Reservist Staff Sgt. Brett Bennethum lined up in formation at his deployment this July, she couldn’t let go. No one had the heart to pull her away."

This is such a moving image. Little girl... makes one really have compassion for her. Her innocence, tender age, downcast face... ohhh how soft must her hand have felt to her father during those moments...

Inasmuch as we'd like to harp on the plight of the girl, I feel that people often miss out on the heart of the father. Why does he choose to go to war despite his daughter's reluctance? I'm sure his wife and other family members aren't any happier about it.

As a boy, I've always wanted to be a hero. But as I grew older, I realised the "naive" notion of being a policeman or firefighter doesn't quite fit the expectations of our parents, teachers, and society in general. What comes after doing well is school is university, degree, and a good job - the sit-in-office kind, which comes with a good salary, comfort, and a bright prospect. And as a young boy, I learnt to separate my dreams about being noble and labeled them as just "dreams" and desired the more "practical goals" in life - all the money, stability, comfort, pleasures and lies.

While I was in army, it ever so often crossed my mind to volunteer to go to Iraq or Afghanistan or something. Can't remember whether I brought it up to my superiors though. What I'm really sure of, nonetheless, is that God has placed dreams in young boys to grow up one day to protect what is weak, feable and beautiful - these are the treasures of God.

I have long thought of how I wanted to die, and I concluded with the follwing:
1. as a matyr on the mission field, like getting beheaded for spreading the Gospel or something
2. while saving someone else's life (someone close to my heart)
3. or while defending my country.

Suddenly, the boyish dream kicks in again, and something stirs up in my heart. I want to live up to that dream. Maybe after getting my degree, I'll sign on as an army officer and volunteer for Iraq/Afghanistan.

That father had a dream. His nation was at war, and he decided that he couldn't continue in his "stable" livelihood and not do anything about it. Many of his fellow citizens have slammed the war, criticised Presidents Bush and Obama about it, and made such a big hooha about how it has cost America so much money and lives. They may have a point. But, as for this man, it doesn't change the fact that at this moment, his country needs as much support as she can get. So he volunteers. It hurts his family. It definitely hurts his lovely little girl. But, as is the basis of all history-making decisions, it simply is the right thing to do.

its amazing how God's Word transforms my life. totally.

cute(: haha!

All Your promises won't let go of me!

I surrender my life to Your ways
I have learnt what it means to obey
Jesus my life has been changed by You

I am walking the path You have made
I am seeking the truth everyday
Jesus my heart has been changed by You

I couldn't walk away if I tried
Cos Your love is better than life!

And the sun's shining bright and it just won't set
Your love is a light and it lights my step
My heart is amazed everyday to the next
Your joy overtakes and I can't forget about it!

WHOAAAAAA! WHOAAAAAAA! WHOAAAAAAA!
I can't forget about it!

WOOOOOO!!!!! this song really shakes me up and breaks down the discouragement wall in my life! Yes, I tried walking away. But now, I'm accepted! Yes, I have been a failure. I've made mistakes. I have been a horrible example of a Christian. BUT, LORD, YOUR LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE!

Thank you Lord (: the moment I thought I was lousy you sent encouragement. The moment i sulked and thought almost all was over, you sent an amazing hope(: You're good, O God. Your faithfulness reaches to the heavens!

hey you

don't really know how to be there for you now, and i know you need your own space, so yeah... will keep my distance... i'll try, at least. you matter to me, and right now, if there's one "product" (if i may put it that way) that i'm be proud of, its you. yes, i'm proud of you. i really wonder how you're doing, and not that i don't trust you, but i wonder if your 'I'm fine's are honest... hope they are. looking forward to buddy times again soon(:

"我不求被人记住，只求美好地影响了你的生命。"

what a sweet surprise (:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
~ Psalm 139:13

Desperate for a Breakthrough

Father in heaven, I ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Make me white as snow. Wash me, and I will be clean. You do not delight in empty praises or the raising of my hands, or I would just do it to gain favour. But a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Give me clean hands and a pure heart, and let not my soul be lifted to idols.

And Lord, I pray for my sheep, that they will not have to go through the mistakes made by previous generations, but that history will be made by their devotion to Your truth. I pray for an increase of self-control, for they are living in an age where feelings mean almost everything, and there is little will to embrace discipline. Many have so often looked at things that they ought to be sorry for and said that it was good, simply because they felt great. But I thank You that there are some who have already been set apart, as is evident by the fruits of their lives, and I pray for their influence to increase in their domains, and amongst the other sheep, so that iron will sharpen iron. Let none be condemned, but that all will humble themselves and turn from their wicked ways and seek Your face.

And I pray for those who are being reached by them, that their eyes will be opened to receive the light shining forth. May their hearts be softened to receive You, as You begin the work of salvation in them.

Lord Jesus, I am going through a very discouraging season, and I pray for snippets of good news to give me strength. I'm desperate for a breakthrough.

Thank You Lord, You are faithful. Always.
Amen.

Happy Anniversary KY!

Happy 92nd Kum Yan!! (: Thank you God for this Church!
Really enjoyed worship during anniversary service today, the first combined worship that really touched me.
Worship was great, especially the 2 Chinese songs at the end. Really touched my heart singing in the language of my ancestral land, a language young Chinese-Singaporean-Christians seldom use... at least for KY!

But despite our handicap in the language, I really felt God's presence in our singing. Words weren't that hard to figure, and somehow, I realised that there are deep expressions of worship that Chinese words so easily capture! I mean, how do you say "一生爱你" in English with the exact same meaning and impact? I was like WOW! Those words are so powerful!

The lyrics of the 2 songs are typed out below. I decided to type out by hand (using Microsoft hanyu pinyin cos my keyboard is ABC hahaha) instead of just copying and pasting off the website, cos I really want to mean the lyrics that I post. So here are the songs(:

我的神，我的父，我的磐石

我的神，我的父
我的磐石，我敬拜你
你的慈爱，丰盛的慈爱
永远屹立不变建立到万代

我的神，我的父
我的拯救，我赞美你
你的信使，恒久的信使
永永远远坚立天上

我要欢呼，向你举双手
向你扬声高唱哈利路亚
因你喜悦我们，是我的力量荣耀
愿在光明中与你同行

我要欢呼，向你举双手
向你扬声高唱哈利路亚
你是我的主宰，谁能与我的神相比
我一生向你俯伏敬拜

一生爱你

情爱的宝贵耶稣
你爱何等地甘甜
我的心深深被你吸引
爱你是我的喜乐

一生爱你，一生敬拜你
一生爱你，一生荣耀你
一生奉献，一生不回头
一生爱你，跟随你

我很伤心...

I've been hoping for something so futile. At least that's what it seems.
Hurts to know that what my heart and emotions have invested in may very well not reciprocate. Yet I'm consoled by the fact that God is the only one I have left in the world. Maybe He allowed this to protect me, just that I can't see it. I know He did, since it's not in His intention to allow me to be hurt for nothing (:

Should think about other stuff. Yes, think about JYC! 5 years ago, God called me to serve, and I said yes. Serving in JYC hasn't been all that smooth, but I love this calling. But the thing about young people is that the older I become, the less appreciation I receive. Somehow there's a habit amongst some to want to relegate the older generation as best as they can. I know, its a young people thing. I've been there before. We like to feel special, and the best way to do it is to outcast the adults, cos we can't stand the fact that they "know it all". What do adults know about young people's culture anyway? So we'd like to think. Now I get to feel how Ian and Joel and the other older guards probably felt 10 years ago.

Plus, since its common for young people to cross the lines, and because many JYC leaders don't really know how to be disciplinary, they turn to me on many occasions. Not blaming them. Just stating a fact :D But this makes me the "bad guy" sigh... esp during the mission trip where I have to scold girls too, which was the most unrewarding experience I had to face as a JYC leader. The dagger from their eyes and cold shoulder says it all. For some. But what has to be done, has to be done. All because I said yes 5 years ago.

At the end of the day, I guess its not about how many kids like me, but whether I stayed true to my commitment. It really isn't easy for me, cos I tend to be really emotional for a guy. But I know He's training me to be like Him. I haven't been a perfect trainee, but I know He still likes me (:

I guess its not really about whether or not people like me, or even whether my heart feelings are reciprocated, but whether I can be faithful in these situations. Not easy for me. Its very emotional, cos people are important to me still, and so I take a lot of things to heart. But I know He loves me. Though one to swallow. But I'll still believe that He'll cause a miracle in my life in the most weary situations.

"The condition for a great miracle is impossibility" - Faith Like Potatoes

And oh how He loves us so

its okay. everything will be alright.

i'm a guy, so i shouldn't be so emotional, right? just take it as a phase i need to go through and learn. though, i'm thankful it was kinda inferred rather than an in-your-face kinda declaration, which saves the embarrassment and awkwardness. its a sober wake up call. not rude tho. a gentle slap, i'd say. which makes me understand where i'm at, and pretty much define the next season i'm in. for that i'm thankful.

i guess sometimes getting our way prevents us from being aware of the truth, and interruptions like this helps bring reality to our laps, gently. i feel more real now, for some reason. of cos i'm sad, but i'm not angry or anything.

pretty amazed at how i can think such things while holding my tears immediately after the incident. despite my emotions, reality couldn't be clearer. what beautiful union of emotions and reality. it isn't always the case where feelings lead you to the truth. in fact, they don't most of the time. so for this i'm grateful too.

Lord, I pray that in this season I'll be made right with You. Train me in discipline, and guide me in developing my gifts to serve You alone. You alone are worthy of my devotion. In You I have strength. I know I'm not alone. Even if I ran away - as I have done a thousand times - Your love never fails.

And oh how He loves us so

There's so much trash in my life, I'm glad God dealt with a lot of that today.
Lust, sin, shame, greed, ambition... I surrendered these at His feet today.
How many times have I traded my birthright for a bowl of beans!

NO! No more trading. He is jealous for me. He - Jesus - alone, deserves my whole heart's desire. I will claim back what is mine. I will be a master over my own desires and inclinations. I will reign and rule, exercise dominion over the realm that He has bestowed to me. I am a child of the Most High. I'm thankful that His mercies are new everyday, so that I won't be judged like Esau. I'm thankful for forgiveness and His grace that enables me to turn around without having to carry past baggage. I am a new creation. He told me today that He longs to lavish on me, not the material and fleshly things of the world, but on eternal things of heaven! Oh, how He loves us so!

I want to be contented. I should be contented. I have so much. Compared to others. Compared to my past. God has blessed me in so many ways that I have begun to take things for granted, such as family, money etc. I will not be spoilt. I will shine. I was meant to.

(: and its happening...