我很伤心...

I've been hoping for something so futile. At least that's what it seems.
Hurts to know that what my heart and emotions have invested in may very well not reciprocate. Yet I'm consoled by the fact that God is the only one I have left in the world. Maybe He allowed this to protect me, just that I can't see it. I know He did, since it's not in His intention to allow me to be hurt for nothing (:

Should think about other stuff. Yes, think about JYC! 5 years ago, God called me to serve, and I said yes. Serving in JYC hasn't been all that smooth, but I love this calling. But the thing about young people is that the older I become, the less appreciation I receive. Somehow there's a habit amongst some to want to relegate the older generation as best as they can. I know, its a young people thing. I've been there before. We like to feel special, and the best way to do it is to outcast the adults, cos we can't stand the fact that they "know it all". What do adults know about young people's culture anyway? So we'd like to think. Now I get to feel how Ian and Joel and the other older guards probably felt 10 years ago.

Plus, since its common for young people to cross the lines, and because many JYC leaders don't really know how to be disciplinary, they turn to me on many occasions. Not blaming them. Just stating a fact :D But this makes me the "bad guy" sigh... esp during the mission trip where I have to scold girls too, which was the most unrewarding experience I had to face as a JYC leader. The dagger from their eyes and cold shoulder says it all. For some. But what has to be done, has to be done. All because I said yes 5 years ago.

At the end of the day, I guess its not about how many kids like me, but whether I stayed true to my commitment. It really isn't easy for me, cos I tend to be really emotional for a guy. But I know He's training me to be like Him. I haven't been a perfect trainee, but I know He still likes me (:

I guess its not really about whether or not people like me, or even whether my heart feelings are reciprocated, but whether I can be faithful in these situations. Not easy for me. Its very emotional, cos people are important to me still, and so I take a lot of things to heart. But I know He loves me. Though one to swallow. But I'll still believe that He'll cause a miracle in my life in the most weary situations.

"The condition for a great miracle is impossibility" - Faith Like Potatoes